Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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