After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
