Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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