quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
They have beer where we have blood.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
