you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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