i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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