He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
