He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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