Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
