Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
she smelled like a LAN party
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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