Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
