Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
