do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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