i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
pray to the hookup gods
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
