"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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