My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
