ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
