Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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