i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
