I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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