I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
false alarm, still single
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
