haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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