I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
