I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
