im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Well I just put wine in my tea
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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