I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
P.S. I can't hear my feet
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
