You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
