Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
