I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
