K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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