you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
