remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
