The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
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A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
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Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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