this just has baby written all over it
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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