Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
