I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
