angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
