I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
