"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
