Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
