I want to make a zoo with you.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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