Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
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