woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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