She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
