She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
