Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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