We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Just puked most of my soul out..
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
