During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
