dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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