why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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