Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
worst night to have a conscience
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
