Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
