did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
