I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
