I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
