she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
