I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
