Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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