This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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