I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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