i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
