so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
vagina is talking i cant
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize