I must be too annoying 4 u.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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