hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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